Returning To Work After Baby

You knew your baby would be beautiful. You knew you would love your newborn. But you had no idea just how much that little person would mean to you. You spend hours staring at her little face, fingers and toes. You derive so much pleasure watching him sleep.

You would absolutely love to spend every waking hour with your baby. Unfortunately, obligations necessitate the need for you to go back to work outside the home. Or you may have a career you’ve worked hard for and want to balance mother-hood and career.

Here are a few options you can consider if you feel unprepared to return to work:

If you have the option of returning to your former employer inquire about working part time or telecommuting. With telecommuting you could work out of your home doing the same or similar position you did prior to your maternity leave. Of course if you were a server in a restaurant telecommuting would not work.

Perhaps you can change your hours to work around a spouse’s schedule. Some employers may allow you to work four ten-hour shifts. You won’t know if they are willing to work with you unless you ask.

Start looking for child care as soon as you know you will be returning to work. Ask friends with young children for referrals. While price and location are considerations they should not be top priority. You are hiring someone to care for your baby; therefore you will need to conduct in-home interviews to find the best provider.

Once you return home from your job outside the home your second shift begins – caring for baby, spouse and the house. That alone is a full time job. Add outside employment to the mix and you will begin to wonder if you will ever get an eight hour night of sleep again!

Don’t try to be Super Mom. Accept offers of help. If someone says “let me know if there is anything I can do” – then let them know. Have them come over for 2-3 hours so you can take a nap or a bath. Let them cut the grass, shovel the snow or take older children to events.

Balancing a career and a family can be quite an undertaking. However if you learn to pace yourself and accept aid from others, you will be much better off to parent your child.

Kids & Divorce

Divorce divides kids between two separate households. It’s not easy for them to get adjusted to the idea of spending time in two places instead of having one home base. Here are some ideas to help make the transition easier for them.

Joint custody can work if both parents are willing to try. This could mean buying two of everything so that the kids feel comfortable in both places. You wouldn’t want your daughter leaving her stuffed bear at dad’s house and mom having to drive all the way back over there to get it in the dead of night, or vice versa.

Kids will get used to living in two places if both parents are on board. It will seem strange, but parents know this and can assure their kids that they understand. Parents shouldn’t take it personally if kids want to spend the day but not the night. This doesn’t mean that they like one parent better than the other. They are used to that house since it has been their home all of their lives.

The newest residence will seem strange at first. The kids have never been here before so it will take some getting used to. They may cry for home that first night that they stay. If they want to go back to their old place, then they should be taken there. Their crying is not a rejection of the other parent; it is the fear of change.

The transition to a new living arrangement is an ongoing process. Kids will have two households and two sets of rules. Some rules need to be agreed upon by both parents to avoid manipulation. For instance, if a child is grounded at mom’s house because of his grades, then he is grounded at dad’s house too. Kids have to follow the rules at both residences just as if their parents were still living under one roof. They may not like it, but if you stick to your guns they will respect it.

When kids leave to spend the weekend with dad, for example, don’t hug them as if you will never see them again. This desperate show of affection signals to kids that you don’t want them to go. They have a right to see their father and spend time with him. His household is their home, too. Assure the kids that you won’t love them any less if they want to see their dad.

Moms will probably field the most questions about the new living arrangement. Kids that want their parents to get back together may fight the two household idea in the hope that the other parent will move back in. This is an idea that most kids of divorced parents hang on to. Tell your kids that this will not be the case.

Also let them know that they can take as much time as they need to get used to the second household. Enlist the aid of the other parent. They can reinforce what you are saying by having a similar conversation with the kids.

Splitting up the family into two households is a big change for kids. Moms and dads can assure them that they both want the new living situation to succeed. Transitions of this type take time, so be patient with your kids.

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